We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
