Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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