You're my little dorito
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
