It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They are going to name an STD after you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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