I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
