my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
