Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
