I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
