I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just tell him i said nine months
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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