I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
