remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
