I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
