I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
