So drunk its hurt
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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