Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
