Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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