Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
