We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
