that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
