But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
