I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
