I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
