hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
