What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
