Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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