hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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