like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
