Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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