I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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