Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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