Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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