: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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