Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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