she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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