I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
