I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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