My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
