remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
