Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
