Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My brain says no but my pants say off.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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