Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
