First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
