Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
