Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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