..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
