you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
