Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
