I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
