Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
