I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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