checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
