Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Someone came in the potted fern
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
