You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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