My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
