I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
