He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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