One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
