Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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