census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
