atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize