i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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