If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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