I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
