Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
