I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
