I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My liver just had a heart attack.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize