My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
