Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
