I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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