I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
lets start a swedish sibling band together
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
