I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish you could order shots online.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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