Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
