New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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