and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
