I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
