so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
