we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
